I don’t know about everyone but for me, life has been weird.
I have always been a big believer in logic because from the beginning we are taught that everything happens for a reason. So, anytime something happens to us, we try to reason with it. This works great initially because when we are kids, we kind of live in a controlled environment, under the supervision of our parents. But as we grow up and you know, start building our own life and chasing our own dreams. We build it piece by piece, doing everything according to the plan we made in the starting. But then suddenly a piece falls off and you tell yourselves that it is going to be okay and you start working again and harder. But then another piece falls off and you again tell yourselves that it is a small bump in the road and you can overcome it. But eventually, no matter how hard you try or work, the pieces keep falling off and suddenly you have fallen behind. Now, you start blaming the world for not being supportive or whatever. After some time, you start blaming yourself that maybe you weren’t good enough to do the job. And then comes the final stage where you start thinking that maybe it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. Maybe you weren’t supposed to achieve what you wanted to achieve. Maybe you weren’t supposed to have what you always wanted. You accept whatever comes to you without questioning and you leave it at life to take you to your final destination whatever it may be.
You get stuck in uncertainty and start embracing it because no matter how you tried planning it in the past, it has always turned out a little different, leaving you heartbroken. So, it becomes easy to live in the present and not expect anything from the future. I used to think that it was a good thing because everyone tells you to live life momentarily and not give enough thought to the past or the future. But then Charles Bukowski once said, “When nobody wakes you up in the morning and when nobody waits for you at night and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, freedom or loneliness?” This made me think that living momentarily and not thinking about the future or past is actually good or is it just some kind of existential crisis?
-Utkarsh Aggarwal
